Hello there. It's been a while. But here I am again to put pen to paper - well, fingers to the keys - to reflect on what has been happening over the past few weeks and months.
As always, the title of this blog is a lyric from Frank Turner's song The Gathering, and you can listen to it here.
Shall we crack on?
To say that these last few weeks have been hectic is an understatement. In October, the family was rocked by a serious medical emergency. Now, I won't go into details. Still, everyone is safe, and the person in question is out of the hospital and recovering at home. This was unexpected and rocked the family and the entire community where I live. For about 2 weeks, I found myself alone while the family rallied around and supported each other. Thankfully, I have such a fantastic community of friends who supported me during the incident. I wouldn't have gotten through it without their love and neverending support. They made sure I was okay while I made sure my partner and the rest of the family were okay - or as well as they could be. It was one hell of a shock, but now I feel I can reflect on what happened. It was very touch and go at several points, but the person is getting better every day.
Now that is out of the way, the real reason for this blog is to document another journey. Well, two journeys, in fact. As many of you know, or even if you don't, I am coming to the end of my PhD journey. My thesis deadline is January 6th, which is quickly approaching! I am so close to the finishing line that I can taste it. Of course, handing in my thesis will not be the end of the journey because I then have to wait for feedback from my examiners. Then I will have my Viva next year, where I defend my thesis within an inch of my life. Then, depending on the outcome, I will probably get revisions before I can resubmit and await the verdict. After all, I will be able to graduate with my doctorate.
That's the plan, anyway. In truth, I want to get it done. I love what I do and what I research, but I am fed up with it now. I've been through so much during my PhD journey, from Covid to issues with supervisors, supervisors then leaving, a process to ensure I am meeting my targets, and so many life changes that, to look back on, I don't know how I didn't give up at times. But with a fantastic support network of friends who are also doing PhDs and my one supervisor who has stuck with me through everything, I am so close to the finish line. I'm lucky in some respects, especially with my main supervisor, who has given me so much support over the last four years.
Aside from the PhD, I am at the very beginning of another journey. Again, some of you may know that I came out as transgender in 2020, and I've been living my true self since then. I am under the Nottingham gender clinic, and I've had my first two assessments there, which is great news. But before I can continue with the rest of my treatment, I need to have fertility treatment. This means getting my eggs removed and stored because hormone treatment can cause infertility. It all happened rather quickly. I had a gynaecology appointment at my local hospital in Ipswich at the beginning of November, and I have been referred to Kings Hospital in London for treatment. After an appointment last week, I got an appointment last Tuesday, the 21st, for an in-person appointment.
I was surprised to get an appointment that quickly! I panicked about getting to the appointment because I had no idea where the hospital was in London. But with support from the NHS, I got hospital transport to and from Ipswich so I could attend the appointment. I was sorted on that front, but I would attend the appointments on my own. Still, one of my online friends very kindly travelled across London to come and meet me. I had her with me during both appointments, and I have never been more thankful for the connections I made on the PhD Forum.
The actual appointments went fine, even though inside, I was absolutely terrified because it had triggered my gender dysphoria so badly. I had to have an internal scan, which was uncomfortable, and then a blood test. I don't do blood tests very well; I've had about four in the past two months. The weird thing is that I can handle tattoos with no problem. But a blood test? Nope, I look in the opposite direction and wince every time!
After the appointment, my mate brought me some food and a coffee, which I was really thankful for, and we sat and chatted about our PhDs for ages. Then, I met the driver who would take me back home to Ipswich. The entire day was long and exhausting, but it was one appointment down. I have another telephone appointment next week to go through the results and plan a course of treatment. It won't be until the beginning of next year. Still, in a way, it's a good thing because now I can focus on the PhD without worrying about going to and from London for treatment. I know it will be terrifying and painful, but I have people around me who will support me, and that's all I need.
I am so thankful for the NHS. One for looking after a family member who needed urgent surgery in October and for giving me treatment to remove and store my eggs until they were needed. That's the one thing about the UK, the NHS and the fantastic staff to keep it going.
So, I think that wraps everything up for the time being. Lots have been happening behind the scenes that have been so hard, but we are coming to the end of 2023, and next year will have some surprises up its sleeve.
As always, I will leave on two quotes.
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better - Samuel Beckett.
It is only when we take chances, when our lives improve. The initial and the most difficult risk that we need to take is to become honest -Walter Anderson.
Until the next time.
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